...ish
(06/30/2003; 01:20pm) - life is hard
as i place my bloodied scimitar into its velvet sheath i think to myself, "should i consolidate my student loans?"
(06/24/2003; 09:37am) - ugly people eating
ugly people eating are so gross. it's too bad that they have to eat, but i'd appreciate it if they did it behind closed doors. not to mention, there's no eating or drinking on the bus, the ugly person's usual haunt. but ugly people think they're special (most likely misunderstanding the results of a grade school apptitude test) and eat with careless abandon on bus, poisoning my morning commute with their repulsive mastication. it's almost grosser when they drink, specifically from straws. more specifically from clear straws. you can see the fowl liquid slowly approach their chapped lips, and watch them choke down gulp after gulp until gluttonously satiated. and what is that a mole? uhhh, that's so gross.
(06/16/2003; 08:09pm) - back in high school
back in my high school there were two types of people: bikers and nerds. everything would have been copasetic if people would have stuck to their own groups, but unfortunately the overwhelming desire for nerd girls upset the social balances severely. biker boys only wanted to get with nerd girls, and nerd guys only wanted to get with nerd girls. nerd girls didn't want to get with biker boys because most of them had psoriasis. nerd girls didn't mind nerd boys too much, but were more interested in biker girls. the nerd girls longed for the tough muscleatory image that the biker girls put forth. (the image would have been equally appealing as far as biker boys went, if it wasn't for their itchy, scratchy, peely psoriasis.) but biker girls didn't mind psoriasis and longed to ride the backseat of the biker boys bikes. it seemed like every day a fight broke out where a biker boy would beat up a nerd boy (scratching his itchy skin all the while) to show his dominance to the nerd girl, but it would all be for naught as the nerd girl could not stop leering at the leather clad biker girls across the hall who in turn were enamored with the sheer musclitude of the biker boy's butt kicking fervorocity. if only i knew what i know now in high school. a little jergens would have cleared up the whole mess. nerd boys and biker girls would have gone lonely after the nerd girls paired with all the biker boys, until, of course, the biker girls took a step back and noticed how sexy they found algebra. then, like spring and summer become one in mid june, nerd boys would finally learn why they though about girls so much. ahhhh.
(06/09/2003; 09:34am) - transportation
skipping is really hard on the calves. it's a wonderful aerobic activity, but it fails to get you from here to there in any efficient manner, although you do look cool. in fact, if skipping was easier on the calves, people wouldn't need to smoke cigarettes.
(06/02/2003; 09:43am) - newton
i wish farts worked better as a physical propellant for the entire corpus. unfortunately, newton was totally right about stuff, and there just isn't enough action for an effective equal and opposite reaction....not yet at least, i've been eating a lot of ruffage lately.
(05/19/2003; 11:09am) - my pajamas
my pajamas smell weird. they don't smell bad, per se, just weird. i'm in a quandry. i always shower as soon as i get up, so i'll never smell weird like my pajamas during the day. and no one sleeps in my bed with me, so there's no one to smell them during the night. except for me. but my laundry service charges by the pound, and as i said before they don't really smell bad, just...odd. and i like to use the logic that with the money i'm saving not washing my pajamas, i can buy fritos every day to put in my soup. so, the question is: odd smelling pj's or crunchy frito soup? honestly, i don't know who's qualified to answer this question.
(05/13/2003; 04:19pm) - morning
this morning i'm trying pigtails. i don't know if pigtails are really my thing. they kinda make me look younger, which i guess is okay. they're definitely cute. i'm also trying a different color eye shadow. for my birthday, my mom took me to a "color specialist". she was supposed to look at my skin tone, and hair color, and whatever, and tell me what colors best accented my features. i think the eye shadow looks weird, but then again, i don't have an associate's degree in cosmotology like cindy does, so i'm giving it a shot. she also told me that i should get highlights in my hair, i haven't done that yet, though, i'm still waiting for a birthday check from nana. but i think cindy's right. i've been telling my mom i wanted my hair dyed forever now. she says that i'm pretty the way i am, but if that's true then why doesn't rob halstead even know i'm alive.
(05/09/2003; 12:25am) - when i grow up
i want to be a bus inspector.
(05/06/2003; 11:12am) - getting closer every minute
the album's almost finished. man, it feels like we've been working on this forever. i've got to do a couple more vocal layovers, and steve needs to tweak a bassline or two, and then we're done recording. terry says it'll be another month or two before the whole thing's mixed and mastered, but that's all happening at The Rack in London, so it's out of our hands. we'll finally get a bit of a vacation before the tour starts up in august. Jenny and i are planning on at least a week in Hawaii. it's going to feel good to have this record off my back, but i also know i'm going to miss it, too. everything moves so fast, i rarely have time to reflect on it all. i think the next few months will be great (if i don't drink myself to death.)
(05/01/2003; 12:20am) - some thoughts
What would Jesus say if he showed up right now? ?What day is it?? ?Who are you?? If Jesus came right now, he?d visit me first. He?d have short hair. I wouldn?t recognize him on account of this short hair, and he?d pretend to be a Native American, even though he really doesn?t look like one. He?d be petitioning me for reparations. His tribe wants to build a casino, and they have rights to my land. Jesus wants to build casino on my house. I?d smile and be pleasant because this guy really doesn?t look like a Native American. In fact, he looks more like Jesus with short
hair. This would make me laugh to myself, ?ha.? Who still has a beard, anyway? My father had a beard for 32 years. Shaved it down to a goatee 7 months ago. He never looked like Jesus, but this guy does. Alright, I call your bluff. I?ll sign your petition. You?re either Jesus trying to trick me, or a real Native American. Either way I?ll probably lose my house. I haven?t had a job since March. I guess I?ll follow you home. I guess I'll follow you anywhere. Can we start a religion. I?d prefer if we could be more the type of religion that is really just built around group sex,
and the like. Do I have any say in our beliefs? How established is this religion? Do I have to pay taxes? And this casino, will it have Baccarat? I?d like to learn how to play.