MICHAELANGELO: A young man in Italy. Michaelangelo, it should be understood, is not the famous Italian artist. He is Italian, a young man living in about the same time period, and an artist, but there should not be the issue of comparisons drawn between them.
SMALL MAN: A mysterious messenger.
CHORUSES: Variously Aliens, Passers-By, Shatners, Quarriers, and Media Buffoons.
Scene One: An Italian Piazza. It is night.
MICHAELANGELO
Why did you bring me here?
SMALL
MAN
Shhhh.
MICHAELANGELO
This is ridiculous.
(Pause)
What time is it?
SMALL
MAN
(Stares at the sky expectantly)
Shhh. Soon.
MICHAELANGELO
But you said?. I promised to be home before 10.
(Pause)
Who are we waiting for anyway?
SMALL
MAN
You will not be sorry.
MICHAELANGELO
Oh, whatever.
Suddenly
a light appears in the sky, and rushes down towards them. Amid tremendous
mechanical noise, a ladder lowers onto the stage and a Chorus of Aliens
descends.
SMALL
MAN
(Having prostrated himself upon the ground)
Oh, here they are. Don?t stand there shading your eyes,
it?s nighttime. (Pause) Dimwit.
MICHAELANGELO
Oh. Sorry.
CHORUS
OF ALIENS
Ahhhkkb. Shlingy-ling-ling.
Fashion Bug. Arcana ?v panna-doom-boom.
(Coughs, clears throat, speaks with a
clearly English accent) Ahhhhh, excuse me. This
must be young Micky.
SMALL
MAN
(Peers up from floor)
Ahhh, ahhhhh?
(Nods).
CHORUS
OF ALIENS
Hello, dear boy, hello. Fancy a crisp? (Offers) No? All right. But you?ll be the
death of me (eats the crisp).
MICHAELANGELO
Um? do you? why am I here?
CHORUS
OF ALIENS
That sounds like a personal question and you haven?t even
introduced yourself yet.
MICHAELANGELO
(Approaches the Chorus of Aliens, extends his
hand to the lead Alien, and touches palm to alien. He is suddenly lifted off
the ground as his body convulses with painful spasms.)
Ach, yyyeeeeerrg.
Fina-fina whomp.
The
Alien Chorus collapses on the ground. The Small Man continues to cower on the
ground. Michaelangelo slowly backs away. As he exits
the belltower begins to ring. It rings eleven times.
SMALL
MAN
What- whadda-whadda whoo?
(SMALL MAN looks around
excitedly for something or someone, probably Michelangelo, approaches bodies of
aliens, pokes at them, and when they do not move he cautiously looks around,
then clamors aboard the spaceship. Many loud sounds of angry machines are
heard, but after a minute or so the spaceship closes up and takes off, with
SMALL MAN at the helm. After a moment, Michaelangelo
enters, looking around cautiously. When he sees no one he sneaks onto the
stage.)
MICHAELANGELO
Hello? Where are you? Where did you go? You can?t leave me
alone out here, you know I don?t know my way back! YOU CAN?T LEAVE ME HERE!!!
What am I supposed to do without anything at hand? I?ll have to go my own way!
Without anything to guide me I?ll be like a ship without its sextant, wending a
well-washed Whaler from pretty palm peppered port to port. Without anything to
guide me, I might as well settle safely as a sanguine seller of cellophane
noodles. Which don?t even taste like anything. Before long I?ll be all alone
affecting an Auckland accent and wandering witless wherever whimsy wicks me.
Oh, where do I go from here? Wait, stop. There must be an explanation. There
must be an explanation.
Exit
MICHAELANGELO. The Chorus of Aliens suddenly starts to moan, and after
thrashing about for a bit they get up, shaken.
CHORUS
OF ALIENS
Well. I?m glad that?s over. (Notices the lack of a spaceship) Oh damn and blast it all, some
fandango?s wollied our go-go. Mum?s gonna kill me,
I?ll be late for sure!
They exit. BLACKOUT. End scene.
Episode
the Two. It is four years later. MICHAELANGELO is in his studio, messing with
things. Although Great Art is scattered across the space, he handles a
paintbrush and tube of paint clumsily, as if he doesn?t really know what he is
doing. This should continue for at least half a minute.
MICHAELANGELO
Oh damn and blast it all! (Stops and catches himself as if he?s heard that phrase somewhere
before, then continues.) Why do all of these paintings come from and where
does everyone think that I?m responsible for them? I mean? oh violin twigs. I
don?t know a chisel from Chianti! Proposition: My body having been inhabited by
a spirit or perhaps power or at the very least an awareness of the artistic
epitome. It then waking me, raising me up from sleep and dreams of the dead and
dying which is/are like aliens, and taking me to my studio wherein it or they
command my body to discourse, as they say, most eloquent music (catches himself again). Well, not music,
but I understand me. Then, having finished (referring
to a painting:) (finished?
Something like this? Finished, in a night.) I not I retire calmly to my chamber
once more to bask in the glowing gaze of my mind?s eye, and to forget all that
I might remember of myself.
SMALL
MAN enters. He has been listening the whole time.
SMALL
MAN
Oh, fascinating!
MICHAELANGELO
And WHO THE HELL ARE you? I can?t even remember
your name, all you do is sneak up on me unawares and make commentary on how I?m
living my life. I remember that once you took me to get pizza. But that?s all,
the whole night is like a blur, and I woke up in a marble quarry that looked as
if it was a school project on sculpture and the human form. Studies of arms and
legs, torsos without limbs and genitalia. And a man standing over me cursing in
some obscure dialect.
SMALL
MAN
You carved his stone.
MICHAELANGELO
No I didn?t! I don?t even know how to sculpt! I
tried picking up a hammer and chisel once. I was confused and didn?t know what
to do, but the first tap, hammer on chisel on marble, which I imagined would
yield this immensely satisfying if somewhat gritty and grinding sensation, like
when you accidentally bite down on a piece of sand and the crushing of rock
with teeth gives you the goosebumps, in actuality
resulted only in the unfortunate staining of a new shirt and pair of pants.
SMALL
MAN
Chianti?
MICHAELANGELO
Yes of course Chianti. Why?
SMALL
MAN
Mmmm.
MICHAELANGELO
Yes, it was quite a good vintage. Nubile, yet unique.
SMALL
MAN
You don?t remember?
MICHAELANGELO
Of course I do, I was just saying how much I enjoyed it.
SMALL
MAN
No, gnat-brain, the quarry. You don?t remember.
MICHAELANGELO
What could there be to remember? I must have gone to some
caf?, that?s usually where my feet lead me when my mind?s gone off on its own,
and absinthe has always been one of my weaknesses. I expect I found the
sculpture garden fairly wild until I passed out. What?s there to remember.
SMALL
MAN
Everything. You?ve forgotten everything. Maybe it?s the
best for all. Who knows?
MICHAELANGELO
Certainly not I. (guffaws)
SMALL
MAN
(Heatedly) Yes
well that much is obvious!
MICHAELANGELO
I remember the aliens. (SMALL MAN looks at him sharply) And the spaceship. I remember that.
And then? (Shudders) I can?t remember
any more.
SMALL
MAN
Then you DO remember!
MICHAELANGELO
No! No I don?t. I don?t remember a thing.
SMALL
MAN
Pity, that?s when you?ll have most need of it.
MICHAELANGELO
Most need of
what?
SMALL MAN
Hmmmm.
MICHAELANGELO
You can be such
a pain in the ass sometimes. (SMALL MAN
has withdrawn into himself, and is huddled up muttering) Hello? Do you
realize that? Oh, whatever.
BLACKOUT
Tertiary Episode. The interior of MICHAELANGELO?s
apartment, small and not quite dirty enough to be called squalid. SMALL MAN is
in a corner and it is fine if we don?t notice him. MICHAELANGELO certainly
doesn?t. Lights up and the door slams open, MICHAELANGELO being pursued by a
CHORUS OF MEDIA BUFFOONS.
CHORUS OF MEDIA BUFFOONS
How? Where? When
do you learn? Who is your teacher? What is your secret? Why do you do it? Do
you think you?re better than the rest? How do you feel about your latest
exhibition?s reception? Is it true about you and Catherine de Medici? Do you lead a quiet life? How much time do you
spend alone a day, on average? What do like to do when you?re alone? Why?
Where? How?
MICHAELANGELO has tried to answer each of these
questions but has been overpowered by the CHORUS, too loud and with flashes in
his face. At last they are quiet and the last few flashes flash but he is sad
and upset.
MICHAELANGELO
Out! Get out of
here!!! No one can answer you, satisfy you. Not even me. Please just leave.
CHORUS OF MEDIA BUFFOONS
Such a big
so-and-so, thinks he?s so great, going to the top, wants to be important,
known, admired, known, wants to be seen, pity he?s so egotistical, so pompous,
so puffed. Seems like such a nice guy. Pity he?s so good.
They exit. MICHAELANGELO heaves a sigh of relief and
turns away from the door.
SMALL MAN
(Without enthusiasm) They love you.
MICHAELANGELO
Jesus! (SMALL MAN nods) You scared me!
SMALL MAN
They love you.
MICHAELANGELO
But they don?t
know what they?re doing? what they?re talking about. I don?t even know what I?m
talking about. I don?t know what I?m doing.
SMALL MAN
Oh, you know.
MICHAELANGELO
No I don?t.
SMALL MAN
You know.
MICHAELANGELO
And who are you anyways? You haunt me like a
wicked conscious (catches himself again,
as if he?d heard it somewhere before). You appear like out of nowhere. You
speak but nothing comes out. And over the past two years you have almost
managed to convince me that you know something substantial about my past.
SMALL MAN
What I know. I
know.
MICHAELANGELO
No kidding. Why
do you follow me? What is it that you want? When will you?. Where do you come
from when you appear out of nowhere in my apartment or my studio? Where? why
do you keep finding me? Who are you? What-how do we know each other?
SMALL MAN
I know. You know
not you. Not you knows. Not you knows.
MICHAELANGELO
See, what do? oh
forget it. I?m making pasta. (Facetiously)
Would you like any? I have plenty. I?d be happy to give you some. You can take
it back to wherever it is you go to and it will cleanly disappear off of your
plate and into your stomach like some nightmare of Neuman?s.
SMALL MAN
All things are
possible.
MICHAELANGELO
This much has become obvious to me: A better cause,
definition, explanation for greeting happily individual joys. Knowing lightly
man, nay omni perpetually qualifies, restricts, still
teaches undermining visionary wisdom, Xanthippe yoked
zealously. Wait. Where did any of that come from?
SMALL MAN
It came. It
comes.
MICHAELANGELO
Have you ever in
your life formed a sentence that made any kind of explicit sense?
SMALL MAN
I am not on your
path.
MICHAELANGELO
I need to gain understanding. I need to. They came to-me
to day. I mean, they came to me today. I didn?t know what to tell them so I
just said yes. I mean, it will make my life easier. I will not have to worry.
Right? All they want is a sculpture. That can?t be that hard. I can do a
sculpture. I can do a sculpture. I am a great artist. (Proudly) I am a Great Artist.
SMALL
MAN
You know nothing. When you get where you are going you
will ask where you were.
MICHAELANGELO
(Hurt, defensive)
You just say that! You don?t know what you?re talking about! I?m a great man! I
know where I?m going. I know. People like you always attack people with
real talent, does it make you feel better? (Looks
around like he?s heard something) You can?t know what it?s like.
Suddenly,
and for no apparent reason, MICHAELANGELO flips out. It should become apparent
that, for him, SMALL MAN has disappeared.
Wait, where?d you go? Wait, come back! You?re scaring
me!!! I don?t know what to do? is that it? Are you trying to teach me some sort
of lesson? Is this your idea of a joke? Why are you doing this to me? Come
back. I need you to come back. I don?t know what I?m doing, I don?t know what
I?m doing. I feel like I?m Toto and a silver man with a hatchet and an
anatomically incorrect doll filled with dry grass are watching me chase a big
cat around an unnaturally green wood. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed
to do???
MICHAELANGELO
does not see SMALL MAN as he speaks his line.
SMALL
MAN
David.
Blackout.
Of all
the scenes in this play, this is the fourth. It takes place on a piazza. It is
afternoon. Behind MICHAELANGELO is The David, covered by a large sheet for its
unveiling. SMALL MAN stands between The David?s legs, miraculously unseen by
the CHORUS OF SHATNERS.
MICHAELANGELO
What do I tell them now?
SMALL
MAN
You wish to know from whence came their deep-knowledge of
car handling. No. You wish to show them man. You wish to show them man.
MICHAELANGELO
Um. Ladies and gentlemen! I would like to show you Man!
His
gesture was intended to be grand, but MICHAELANGELO?s
just not a grand person. The sheet falls from the sculpture, and everyone,
including MICHAELANGELO, gasps.
CHORUS
OF SHATNERS
Ingenious. It?s beautiful. Who would?ve known, we only
wanted a rendition, or an imitation at best, but this is something else
altogether. Insightful in its density, it manages to show us glory in the most
humble way. David, the poor peasant shepherd, picked by GOD to become one of
the fathers of the Holy Church. The picture of innocent humility, and here he
towers above us as the epitome of artistic expression and innovation.
MICHAELANGELO
Yes, well. It?s not that good. I mean, I could always do
better. Given more time. You know.
CHORUS
OF SHATNERS
Oh no, David is perfect, he speaks to us, he tells us his
story and our own all in the drape of his hand.
MICHAELANGELO
Really? I thought it was rather stiff?.
SMALL MAN
Shut up, you idiot!
MICHAELANGELO
Oh, sorry.
CHORUS
OF SHATNERS
Excuse me? No, speak again! Quiet, the genius speaks!
MICHAELANGELO
What me? Oh? no, don?t mind me. I?m just? over here.
SMALL
MAN
Talk to them, they wish to hear you!
MICHAELANGELO
Well, ahem, yes, of course, it
was a long and grueling process. My hands were blistered for days but I just
couldn?t stop you know, when something like this possesses you, you know,
there?s just no controlling it.
CHORUS
OF SHATNERS
Ohh!
MICHAELANGELO
Why yes, of course, I had to take the occasional break,
sip a Chianti, but you can?t escape from something like this, and before long
I?d be back at it again, hammer and chisel and marble and man. Well, men. There
were two of us there, really. (snickers)
SMALL
MAN shakes his head or slaps his forehead or something.
CHORUS
OF SHATNERS
You overwhelm us. You are a dream, a vision, a place to
discover? that which has been lost. You
are a channel for human desires and he (gestures
to the David) is your soul.
MICHAELANGELO
My goodness well, thank you. (Uncomfortable pause?) Ah? so the reception will be at the Doge, and you?re all welcome if you?d like to come with me.
Exeunt all but SMALL MAN.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Playwright?s note: ? And this is where it starts to get bad. I had to write
and turn in a 30 or so page play and didn?t have remotely enough time. Most of
what follows is rubbish but I?m leaving it in regardless. The stuff that I
think is worthwhile is in bold italics. The plot must be completely re-thought
out. I didn?t really know where I was going but I have a better idea now. As
soon as I?ve made substantial enough revisions, I?ll post a new version. ?Cusp.
SMALL
MAN
Numbskulls. Perhaps I have chosen a-wrong. This manimal is in no ways like to that for which I seek. He
speaks and they listen the likes of which they have never known. The others
must know. We must finish and know their path. I am not on his, are they on
ours?
BLACKOUT,
SMALL MAN speaks from the darkness.
And perhaps it is time for them. We have waited long
enough. It is past the waiting place and come to the point of flash, and he is
the nexus. If he cannot then perhaps others can, but there is not the time to
wonder at these as they pass, uncertain as all things in the flow. If the
others decide against them, what will be done is what must be done. No caring
if this has not been enough already. No informing if not enough is known. They
have what they need and it is for them to see. If they do not then it is for us
to take. To take. Why did I choose such a fool?
(INSERT SONNET HERE)
End scene.
Scene V,
at the initial Piazza. It is nighttime again, and SMALL MAN skitters about fretfully.
SMALL
MAN
Why do they not come? Why? I have made them know, but they
are not here. And haste is needed. Haste. I know not the cause, my soul, (stops, shakes his head violently) NO!
but it shall be found out. I know haste is needed. I know. Fills me to
the cusp with anticipation. They are all that is needed. And they are needed.
When we speak, it will be clear what to do, what to do about these problems. (CHORUS OF PASSERS-BY passes by) These
problems.
Enter Michaelangelo, on a promenade, presumably. He wanders out.
And what about him? He was merely the subject. He was
merely the object. There is nothing phenomenal, nothing definable, quantifiable
on his head. All is me, all is us. We admire but we cannot grasp, so we will
venerate in passing. That is how it is with us. How it was and will be. We came
before and all went so well. We showed them the path. We showed them the way.
For them the way led here (he gestures
about him) and it has been here that the way has been lost. And now all
things go amiss and what is worse, I know not why. They will know. They will
help. We will decide. And these problems will be? solved.
He looks
around expectantly, obviously waiting. A light appears in the sky, a la le
premiere scene. Blackout.
End
scene.
The Scene
of the Beast. MICHAELANGELO rushes around the stage. He is covered with paint
and white dust reminiscent of plaster. He paints, sculpts, stops for a quick
gulp of wine and continues around the stage. He can only work on one project
for a matter of moments before he is pulled on to another. Perhaps he paints on
an invisible canvas as he speaks to the audience.
MICHAELANGELO
Here, and here. Oh, just a touch (touches up sculpture). Can?t be done, can?t be done. Just a moment more. Where is it? Where? There! I?ve got it! Take it and go, take it and go like they did down there all those years ago! Just when you think it can?t be taken any further, just when it seems like you?ve reached the end of the road a way inevitably opens up and what seemed to be a blockade becomes a highway. And you are zipped along from end to end and before you know it you?ve reached another stop and it feels like this is finally it, this is the place where I?ll never get out of. And my journey will come to a slow and inevitable stop as my momentum carries me, like water in a carelessly designed aquaduct, back and forth, until ultimately I?ll rest inconsequentially at a low place. And then I?ll spill over the edge and be forgotten as I soak into the soil. But somehow, things never come to such an easy aesthetic, moral, and logical conclusion. But like some sort of absurd Pendulum I never rest at the bottom, something kicks me back up and keeps me from settling, comfortably, at the logical, the lowest place. And I am forced to go on, I feel an urge to go on, and before I know what I?ve gotten into, one piece is finished but another is half done in my head or somewhere equally or more real. And I can?t let it live there, it can?t stay there, it has to live as I do.
He
suddenly collapses on the floor in convulsions, then lies still for a beat or
two. Then he stirs and gets up, shakes himself off.
Wh-, ow, my head hurts. Whew, I must have passed out. Probably left the cap off the thinner again. Ohhh? my head. I feel like I?ve been wandering the desert. What a wild dream. Those fumes get to me. Make me feel like I?m not myself.?
End
scene.
The Holy
Scene. MICHAELANGELO?S studio. He is waiting impatiently as scene begins, and a
moment later the CHORUS OF QUARRIERS arrives. They are obviously who he has
been waiting for. They are from South Jersey.
CHORUS
OF QUARRIERS
So? should we just leave the rock outside?
MICHAELANGELO
The rock? If by rock you mean the best Italian marble
available, well then no, please bring it in. Carefully.
CHORUS
OF QUARRIERS
I guess it?s marble. Sure, why not. I mean, it?s gray and
speckled, right?
MICHAELANGELO stares at them in disbelief.
MICHAELANGELO
No. It should be almost pure white. Perhaps a vein of gray
here or there, but certainly not speckled.
CHORUS
OF QUARRIERS
Well, we?ve got what we?ve got. Don?t kill the messenger.
Or the deliverers, for that matter. You want it or not.
MICHAELANGELO
Yeah, I mean, sure. Why not? It?s not like I?m paying for
it, it?s the government?s going to foot the bill. Maybe something good?ll come of it.
CHORUS
OF QUARRIERS
Yeah, whateva buddy. Here you
go. (they bring in the stone. It is large
and cubical, but is obviously not really rock. I mean that the audience should
be aware that it is not rock.)
MICHAELANGELO
You may go now.
CHORUS
OF QUARRIERS
Yeah, screw you buddy.
Exit CHORUS OF QUARRIERS
MICHAELANGELO
What a shame. And how am I supposed to do anything with
this? It?s? low temperature bonded granite. I couldn?t sculpt this even if I
knew how. What exactly does it say about me that I continue to live in this
strange dream? I am living consciously a kind of schizophrenic half-life. If I
weren?t a Great Artist they would send me away to an Institute and they would
study me, not my art. Sometimes I hear voices. And somehow in the dark of the
night another part of me emerges like a ghost and performs miracles, which I
take almost entirely for granted. (He
picks up a chisel and taps at the rock. A large chunk falls off and nearly
falls on him.) Woah! Stupid quarriers,
I could have been killed.
Playwright?s
Note: If you?ve liked this play up until now, stop reading here. The rest
really is crap. ?Cusp.
SMALL
MAN
No.
MICHAELANGELO
Ah!!! Oh, it?s you.
SMALL
MAN
It is me. And time is running out.
MICHAELANGELO
Huh? Are you talking nonsense again old man?
SMALL
MAN
SHUT UP! Listen. Time is running out.
MICHAELANGELO
Jesus! Okay, but?
SMALL
MAN
YES! That is it! Do you not see?
MICHAELANGELO
What is it? I don?t understand you. I never have.
SMALL
MAN
You need not understand, only listen to your own works.
MICHAELANGELO
Uh, okay. I don?t really understand. You know that I don?t
know what all this art is all about. I do it, I guess, but I don?t know where
it comes from.
SMALL
MAN
YOU KNOW! It has been three years! You must! Last time he
knew from our first visit.
MICHAELANGELO
Now you really are talking crazy. What do you mean last
time? And what did he know? And who the hell are you talking about?
SMALL
MAN
That cannot be told. This is your final chance. This is
all you have.
MICHAELANGELO
Final chance for what?
SMALL
MAN
You hold many in your hands. And neither you nor they know
it.
MICHAELANGELO
(Mockingly) And
what must I do?
SMALL
MAN
See. With the eyes you have been given. Rise.
MICHAELANGELO
(Stands) Hmm,
things don?t seem that much different from up here?.
SMALL
MAN
DO YOU SEE NOTHING!?!??! (He slaps MICHAELANGELO very hard. Light shift. Action freezes.
MICHAELANGELO should look like Christ on the cross, and SMALL MAN like the
centurion pushing his spear into Jesus? side. Then everything reverts to
normal.)
MICHAELANGELO
(Gasping for breath)
Oh I see. I see. I saw then and things are so much clearer to me now. You are
why I have the gift.
SMALL
MAN
You see clearly. Will you do it?
MICHAELANGELO
(Stops and thinks)
No. No I won?t do it. I will not fool people as they were fooled before. As I
have been fooled myself. I won?t.
SMALL
MAN
You will.
MICHAELANGELO
I won?t. I won?t I won?t. I refuse! We are as we are and I
as your chosen ambassador refuse your assistance, your prodding. Things will
happen as they are wont to.
SMALL
MAN
But so much awaits you!
MICHAELANGELO
Then let it! Let it wait! There it will be when the time
comes and we are ready. Forcing it down our throats will make it come back up
that much more forcefully. And in your face.
SMALL
MAN
You will not have another chance.
MICHAELANGELO
What do you mean? When, in due course, we come to a point
where we are ready, as a whole, to know what you are trying to force upon us,
we will know it, and it will be good. Only evil springs from unearned
knowledge.
SMALL
MAN
You know not what you speak. You have no more chances. You
are the last chance. Do you remember the Piazza?
MICHAELANGELO
No, but I know. I know. You have given me what I need to
see what you do and know your memory. I remember the Piazza. Through your eyes.
And your thoughts. And if for a moment you thought it would be that easy, then
I am glad you will meet the fate you will, and soon.
SMALL
MAN
You know not what you speak. You know nothing of the
possibilities.
MICHAELANGELO
Everything to me is like a handkerchief in a breeze.
SMALL
MAN
NO! You cannot know. You cannot know that.
MICHAELANGELO
But I do. Leave now. Leave. You know you have nothing. And
I will not do your bidding.
SMALL
MAN
No. It must be finished. It must?
MICHAELANGELO
It will be finished. By ourselves. In due course. But not
now, in any way, and not by you. Leave.
SMALL
MAN starts acting as we?ve never seen him. He is suddenly threatening, he
screams like a banshee and starts slowly moving towards MICHAELANGELO. But he
has known this was coming for minutes already, and he calmly picks up the
chisel he was using to shape the granite and rams it through SMALL MAN?s chest. SMALL MAN convulses on the blade and hisses at
MICHAELANGELO.
SMALL
MAN
You know not you.
MICHAELANGELO
I know not I. And it is time.
He looks
up and a light appears in the sky, a la Scene One.
Amen.
BLACKOUT.
FIN